I Still Do
by OceanCrush
Summary: It's been 2 years since Sam and Carly left Seattle (and a confused Freddie Benson) behind, Sam for L.A. and Carly for Italy. Now, Spencer is getting married and the girls are heading back to Seattle for a much-needed reunion, but old feelings arise as unanswered questions still linger.


Freddie stood in the lobby of the airport, anxiously tapping his foot against the linoleum floor. He watched as streams of people flooded by him, struggling with heavy luggage or reuniting with loved ones. He scanned the crowd closely, hoping to spot the familiar faces of his best friends.

This was it. They were coming home. After almost 2 years, Carly and Sam were coming back, at least temporarily, and the thought of having both of his best friends in Seattle again made him happier than he'd been in a long time.

That said, it also made him anxious for reasons he didn't quite want to think about. Instead, he simply attempted to squelch the weird feeling that had been growing in the pit of his stomach since he'd awoken that morning.

"Sorry I'm late kiddo. Audrey and I had to swing by the florist. Last minute thing," Spencer said as he appeared by Freddie's side.

"Weren't you there all day yesterday?" Freddie questioned with a raise of his brow.

"Well, yeah, but after we got home, Audrey started doubting her choices and then changed her mind about the floral arrangements so…we had to go back this morning," Spencer explained.

"You're a good man, Spencer," Freddie said with a laugh.

"I know and it's exhausting," Spencer sighed as he turned away from Freddie to survey the area.

"CARLY!" he yelled suddenly.

Freddie glanced up at the escalator to see Carly standing near the top. She was struggling to maneuver her oversized suitcase down the stairs, but beamed as soon as she spotted Spencer.

Freddie and Spencer ran over to the escalator, waiting to meet her at the bottom. As soon as she stepped off she let out a girlish yelp of excitement before throwing her arms around both of them.

"I've missed you guys so much!" she squealed excitedly and Freddie couldn't even begin to explain just how much he shared her sentiment.

"I've missed you too," he said as Carly disentangled herself from them.

She was as radiant as ever in a flowy blue sundress. There was a sun kissed glow to her skin that was new and her dark brown hair seemed lighter than before, likely from all her hours spent in the warm Italian sun. She looked happier than Freddie had ever seen her and that was a tough feat since Carly was, by her very nature, an exceedingly peppy person.

"I can't believe you're getting married, Spencer!" Carly giggled excitedly as she playfully poked at her older brother's shoulder.

"Yeah, who would have thought the big goof would ever get married," said a sardonic voice from somewhere behind Carly.

At the sound of the all too familiar voice, Freddie glanced up quickly, searching for the source.

It was Sam. He spotted her making her way off of the escalator. She had only her red and black backpack thrown over her shoulder, no huge luggage weighing her down. She wore her trademark black leather jacket and an old cropped top, paired trendily with short denim cutoffs over sheer black stockings and finished off with a pair of black boots. The outfit gave her a very hip, devil may care look and was certainly edgier than anything she'd ever worn before she'd moved to L.A. Clearly the city had influenced her new look.

Not that Freddie was complaining.

Her hair was longer and blonder than when she'd left, and it seemed to mesmerize Freddie, the way it framed her face and travelled down her back, almost appearing to glisten in the fluorescent light of the airport. There was a smirk on her face and Freddie was struck by just how much he'd missed that smirk.

He'd _really_ missed that smirk.

"Haha, Sam," Spencer laughed sarcastically as he reached out and threw a brotherly arm around her shoulder. "Missed ya kiddo."

"You too, Spence."

As soon as Spencer let go, Carly pounced, wrapping Sam tightly in a boa constrictor like hug.

"SAM!" she squealed and Freddie could see that she was beaming.

"I've missed you a lot too, Carls," Sam said with a laugh and the sight filled Freddie's heart with a warmth and a happiness that he hadn't quite anticipated.

The fact was, it'd been a blow to him when Carly and Sam had left. One day, he was spending almost every second with these two girls and the next, they were gone. He'd had to start over in a lot of ways. Going to UW for college had helped aid in that process a bit, but it still didn't quite feel like enough. He was still in Seattle, still only a short bus ride away from Bushwell Plaza, the Groovy Smoothie, and so many other things that reminded him of them. He still found himself having moments where he'd be sitting in his dorm room, bored, wanting to call Carly or Sam to see if they wanted to have a movie night or grab a smoothie at the Groovy Smoothie or chat about an upcoming iCarly, only to remember that they weren't there anymore…that they were miles and miles away living new lives that had nothing to do with him. He wasn't going to lie; it'd kind of hurt.

That was why, when Spencer had announced that he was getting married and that Audrey was planning a huge wedding, Freddie had been thrilled. There was no way Carly or Sam would miss that. There wasn't much that could get them back to Seattle, he'd realized that rather quickly, but he knew Spencer's wedding was the exception. He was Carly's big brother and, for all intents and purposes, Sam's big brother too. They wouldn't miss him finally tying the knot for anything in the world.

And he was thrilled, because for the first time in ages, he'd finally have his best friends back.

Lost in his thoughts, Freddie hadn't realized that Carly had let go of Sam and that Sam was now standing in front of him, shoulders squared, that smirk still on her face.

"Sup, Fredwierdo," she said simply.

"I've missed that," he laughed, his voice full of feigned earnestness. "Life just isn't the same, not having someone around to twist my name into juvenile insults all the time."

She rolled her eyes as he leaned forward, embracing her in a tight hug and Freddie felt a slight jolt at their sudden closeness. He hadn't been this close to her in far too long and he'd forgotten what sort of impact she could have on him.

"Okay. Okay. Enough of this sissy stuff. Lets go," Sam said, pulling away from Freddie's embrace with slight force.

Instead of feeling burned, Freddie just laughed.

It was amazing how some things never changed, even while so much else had.

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"So, tell me the story of how you guys got together…the second time, I mean?" Carly clarified to Audrey as she took a bite from her spaghetti taco and Freddie was struck by just how surreal the moment was. Here they were, all of them, sitting around Spencer's table eating spaghetti tacos just like old times. After two years, it just didn't feel real.

"You…you don't want to hear that story," Spencer said nervously.

"Oh, but we do," Sam laughed.

"Do we really have to relive it?" Spencer said almost pleadingly to Audrey, a slight blush creeping up his neck and into his cheeks. Audrey was a pretty blonde with petite features and a jovial mannerism, always laughing and smiling. Freddie understood what Spencer must have loved so much about her. She had a way of livening up a room simply with her laugh. She seemed to embrace Spencer's harebrained ways that so many other women seemed to run from or could only handle in small 1-week doses.

They really were perfect for one another.

"Of course," she teased. "So, after he 'stood me up'-."

"For the 100th time, I didn't stand you up. I had to take Carly to that dance and then I got sick!" Spencer defended.

"I know, sweetheart. I'm only teasing," she laughed as she patted his cheek.

"Anyways, after Spencer didn't show up for our date because he was _sick_," she shot a playful glance in his direction, "I figured it was a lost cause, ya know? Like, he's just not interested. But, not long after that, he started texting me and he was all, 'I'm sorry I missed you. I was sick. When are you going to be in Seattle again,' and I told him I was going to be in town again for work in a few months. So, we planned to meet up then."

"Can we stop the story here?" Spencer pleaded.

"Nope," Audrey said quickly with a self-satisfied smirk.

"So, the day finally comes and I'm thinking we'll just grab coffee near the airport or something, but why would I ever expect anything _normal_ from Spencer Shay? You'd think I'd know better than that after the first time around."

"So, what happened?" Carly asked, clearly on the edge of her seat.

"He shows up at the airport in a tux, and, I kid you not, a white horse drawn carriage."

"Seriously?" Sam burst out laughing. "What a sap!"

"And that's not even the best part. You know how people normally get actual carriage drivers to drive the carriage? Not Spencer. _He_ was the one driving the carriage. And here's the thing, turns out Spencer is not really the best carriage driver. He kind of lost control of the horses and somehow ended up on the runway with security trying to chase him down. Sort of funny, actually. Except for the part where he ended up having to spend the night in airport prison and I had to vouch for him and convince security that he wasn't a terrorist or a psycho, hell-bent on wrecking havoc and breaching airport security. Bright side, I think he might have made the 11:00 news and it makes for a very…interesting first date story. Well, second first date."

"Spencer, what were you thinking?" Carly questioned, laughing so hard that tears were forming in her eyes.

"I just wanted it to be special," Spencer replied, his lips forming into a childish pout.

"Aww. It was, Spence," Audrey said, an earnest smile on her face. "It really was. You may be a certifiably insane accident waiting to happen, but you make things memorable. I like that."

She smiled cutely before leaning in and kissing him softly, the pout on his face disappearing instantly.

There was something about her words that made Freddie uncomfortable. He knew exactly why, but quickly tried to push it away.

Freddie's thoughts, and Spencer and Audrey's affectionate display, were disrupted by Sam making retching noises.

"Sam," Carly chastised.

"No, it's okay," Audrey said, pulling away from Spencer. "I get it. I'm not into other people's PDA either. Squicks me out."

"See, she gets me, Carly," Sam said nonchalantly.

With a roll of her eyes, Carly sighed.

"Whatever. I think it's sweet. The horse drawn carriage, the tux, the wedding, all of it. It's really cute. I mean, crazy, but the sentiment is sweet."

"I think so too," Spencer said with a wide and beaming smile as he placed his arm protectively around Audrey and squeezed gently, pulling her closer to him in the process.

Freddie was certain he'd never seen Spencer so happy before.

And he had to admit that he envied him.

Just a little.

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"I can't believe Spencer is finally getting married," Carly said as she glanced over at the wall of the loft where an old hammer was lodged.

Carly, Sam, and Freddie sat on beanbags on the floor of the Shay loft. If Freddie thought sitting around Spencer's table eating spaghetti tacos together was surreal, this was even more so. For years, this had been their routine, as normal to them as breathing or eating or sleeping. In retrospect, Freddie realized just how much it'd meant to him, and how much he'd taken it for granted.

He'd missed this.

"Well, he's old. It's about time," Sam said as she stared up at the ceiling of the loft.

"He's not old," Carly said defensively. "Ok, well I mean, he is kind of getting up there, but…okay it is kind of about time." She laughed before speaking up again, this time more thoughtfully.

"It's funny though, isn't it?"

"What?" Freddie and Sam both asked, almost in-sync, as they turned and glanced curiously in her direction.

"How they found each other, ya know, a second time," Carly said simply. "I mean, Spencer said she was the only girl he ever really loved and even though they broke up and lost touch for a while, they found their way back to each other in the end. It's like, super sweet, don't you think? Really makes you believe in true love and all of that."

Suddenly, Freddie felt incredibly awkward by the turn in the conversation.

"Not really," Sam said, now staring down at the tattered hem of her shorts.

"Oh, come on, Sam? How can you say that? I mean, it's literally like they were _meant_ to be together. Spencer dated all of those girls and in the end, he still ended up with Audrey. It was totally fate," Carly said, seeming somewhat hurt by her friend's less than rosy outlook. "You agree with me, right, Freddie?" Carly asked, glancing in Freddie's direction. Her eyes were big and pleading like as she looked up at him from under long dark lashes.

Did he agree with Carly? Did he believe in fate and 'one true love'? Did he believe in the idea that, no matter what happened, no matter how much time had passed, you'd always find your way back to "the one" in the end?

To be honest, he wasn't sure. If Carly had asked him that 5 years ago, he'd have said yes in a heartbeat, his youthful naïveté leaving no doubt. But at almost 21, with a few less than successful relationships under his belt, including ones with both of his female best friends, he wasn't so sure. _Especially_ because of his relationships with his two best friends.

It was something he tried not to think about too much, but it was still there, hanging heavy in the air like an unanswered question. The terms on which both Sam and Carly had left him two years ago were fuzzy at best, even now, despite the fact that they'd all dated other people in the time since.

The night Carly left, she'd kissed him. No explanation for why or what it'd meant or what would happen between them from there. She just…kissed him. And in the moment, it'd felt nice – it'd felt right. He couldn't deny, even now, the sense of victory he'd felt in that moment for the 14-year-old Freddie buried deep down who had spent hopeless days unsuccessfully fawning over the girl next door.

Admittedly though, the kiss was complicated by the fact that, mere hours before hand, Freddie had asked Sam if she'd wanted to get back together with him. She'd called to talk to him about something important and, for whatever reason, maybe foolish confidence or wishful thinking, he'd assumed it was about them getting back together.

And so he asked her just that. _'Do you want to get back together?'_

He still remembered her response, as clear as day. A 'What?', followed by a 'Wait? Do you?', which was followed by a crushing sense of embarrassment. At the time, he reasoned that if she had wanted to get back together with him, she'd have said yes, not questioned him further when the answer on his end was obviously yes. 1000x yes. He would never have asked if it hadn't been. He would never have asked if the question hadn't been there, on the tip of his tongue for months, waiting for the right moment. He would never have asked if the question hadn't been hanging heavy in the air between them since the night they'd broken up.

He'd meant it and he'd wanted it, but it didn't seem that she had.

So, when Carly kissed him later that night, he convinced himself that maybe he and Sam weren't meant to be after all. Maybe the kiss had been fate's way of saying that Sam wasn't it. And maybe, just maybe, Carly was.

It didn't take long after Sam's departure, however, for Freddie to realize that that wasn't the case and that he'd been fooling himself. That thought process was aided by the emails Freddie soon began receiving from Carly documenting her string of tall, tanned Italian boyfriends.

That said, they never did discuss the kiss and what had caused it and so, it still hung awkwardly between them.

And, Sam, well he _really_ wasn't sure where he stood with her. Unlike Carly, he hadn't heard from her about a string of boys she'd dated.

Only one was ever mentioned in her emails. A Dean. A tough guy type with a penchant for tattoos and leather and MMA fighting. They'd dated for 4 months and then it was over. She didn't say why and she never actually told Freddie that it was. He just noticed that one day she stopped talking about him, stopped mentioning his name.

One day he disappeared just as quickly as he'd arrived.

Freddie didn't ask questions, partly because he didn't feel like it was his place to and partly because the thought of her with someone else made his stomach turn and he preferred to think about it as little as possible. Much the same, she never asked about the girls he dated. Admittedly, there had only been two since Sam and Carly had left. Rebecca and Abby.

He hardly counted Rebecca because his mother had set him up with her a few weeks after Sam and Carly had left, hoping to shake him out of the rut he'd fallen into and to find him some more "appropriate lady friends", as his mother had put it.

Rebecca was the daughter of one of his mother's co-workers and she had a penchant for crossword puzzles and tuna fish casserole.

It only lasted 2 weeks.

Freddie had met Abby in a study group during his first year at UW. She was smart, with a passion for all the same nerdy things he loved. A Galaxy Wars aficionado with a 4.0 GPA and a computer collection that rivaled his own, she was literally the female version of him, but a lot prettier.

On paper, they were perfect. They never argued, like he and Sam had, and they actually had similar interests, unlike he and Carly. It seemed like the perfect relationship.

But perfect, Freddie eventually learned, was boring. Really, really boring.

They lasted 4 months and 9 days.

"No. I mean, maybe," he finally said with a sigh.

"Whatever. Who cares what the dork thinks. All I'm saying is, I've seen enough relationships turn to shit to know that fate and true love and all that chizz doesn't exist. At least not for everybody," Sam said, glancing at Freddie as she did so.

He stared back at her, shooting her a curious look before she turned away, quickly changing the topic.

"Anyways, does Spencer still keep that thing of ham in the freezer?"

Seemingly forgetting the heaviness of their earlier conversation, Carly laughed.

"I kind of haven't lived here in 2 years so, your guess is as good as mine, Sam. But, lets go check. Believe it or not, I could go for some ham myself. Hey, you want anything?" Carly asked, turning to face Freddie once again.

"No, I'm good," he answered.

"We'll be right back," Carly said as she stood and led Sam towards the door. Once Carly was out of the room, Sam stopped and turned around, staring at Freddie as if she were about to say something. There was a strange, almost pensive look on her face.

"Sam, are you coming?" Carly yelled, distracting Sam from whatever it was she had planned on saying. Without a word, she turned on her heal and was gone, leaving Freddie alone in the loft to ponder the odd moment.

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"This was such a great idea, Freddie!" Carly said excitedly as she stared over his shoulder at his computer screen, watching the montage he'd edited together for Audrey and Spencer's wedding. "They're going to love it!"

"Yeah, I hope so. Audrey's family gave me some really great stuff to work with and, obviously, we have a ton of good stuff for Spencer," Freddie explained.

Carly watched in silence as the montage finished on a photo of Audrey and Spencer from the shoot they'd done for their engagement announcement. Spencer, who was wearing an oddly colored tux, held Audrey up, piggyback style. He was making a strange face as Audrey laughed wildly, pumping one triumphant looking fist in the air. They were standing in front of a sign for the Seattle–Tacoma International Airport.

It was one of the weirdest engagement announcement photos Freddie had ever seen, but he got it. It was them. It explained exactly why they worked so well together. They got each other's quirky ways and even if other people questioned it and complained about how untraditional they were, they didn't care. They got it and that was all that mattered.

"They really are odd, aren't they?" Carly said with a small laugh as Freddie turned around at his desk to face her.

"Yeah, but, that's what makes them perfect for each other, I guess. Spencer needs someone who can handle how…eccentric he is," Freddie laughed.

"Yeah…I'm glad he found her," Carly responded caringly.

"Mhmm…"

Silence settled in between them as Carly moved from where she had been standing and sat on the edge of Freddie's old Galaxy Wars bed. Though he lived in the dorms during the school year, he still lived at home during the summer and his mother made sure to leave everything exactly as he'd left it, not changing a thing. He'd heard of kids whose parents changed their rooms to craft rooms or guest bedrooms the moment they were gone, but he knew his mother could never do it. Even when he finally moved out for good, she'd probably still leave his bedroom as it was, a weird shrine to her son's childhood.

"You ever wonder what she'll be like?" Carly asked.

"Who?"

"The person you're going to marry," she explained, giving him a look as if that should have been obvious.

He was struck by the question, because the truth was, he had. He had wondered before what she'd be like. He'd wondered if she was someone he'd already met, and admittedly had had moments where he'd hoped she was, but he'd also wondered if she was someone still out there that he'd yet to meet.

Sometimes he wondered if she even existed at all.

"Sometimes, I guess. But I mean, it's like I said the other day, I'm not sure if I really believe in all of that anymore. Ya know, fate and the one and all that."

Carly gave a boisterous laugh and shot Freddie a disbelieving look.

"I don't believe that."

"Why not?"

"Because you've always believed in that stuff. I get it with Sam, ya know. She's the cynical one who sees the glass half empty, burned by all of her mom's poor relationship choices. There's a justifiable reason for her being the way she is, even if I think she's wrong and selling the world short by being so negative. But, you? Freddie Benson, the boy who used to tell me everyday that he was in love with me, is suddenly Mr. Cynical? I don't buy it."

Freddie felt himself grow awkward at the turn in conversation, but pushed on anyways.

"Carly, I was 14. What did I know about love?" Freddie reasoned.

"So, you didn't love me?" she asked after a moments pause and it caught Freddie off guard. It shouldn't have, because as he'd acknowledged many times before in his own mind, their relationship was still a little unclear, or at the very least hadn't been verbally defined in a very long time.

He pondered her question. Had he loved her? Or better yet, had he been _in_ love with her the way he'd once claimed?

His minds eye flashed with memory after memory: his childish pleas for her to date him despite her constant rejections; their short lived relationship that he'd consciously chosen to end because he'd doubted her feelings; her kisses, always given in moments of extreme duress and never pursued by him.

And then his mind filled with other memories, memories of a vibrant, vivacious and frustratingly strong-willed blonde. He remembered small touches from her that had sent shivers down his spine and arguments that had made him feel more alive than he'd ever felt before. He remembered how it felt as the overwhelming urge to pull her close and kiss her rushed through his veins, eventually reaching it's breaking point. He remembered the way his heart had hung heavy in his chest as he'd watched her walk away from him, from them. He remembered the love that coursed through him and his absolute need to tell her how he felt, not because he'd hoped she'd change her mind, not because he'd wanted anything from her, but because he'd needed her to know how he felt.

In that moment, it hit him.

No, he hadn't been in love with Carly. Sure, he'd liked her. He'd liked her _a lot _and he had loved her. He still loved her.

But he wasn't _in _love with her. Since his adolescent proclamations of love to Carly, he'd learned what it was like to _really_ be in love with someone.

And it was nothing like what he'd felt for Carly_. _

He cared about her. He wanted her to be happy.

But, she didn't make his heart skip a beat. He didn't catch himself watching her idly from across the room as she ate or watched TV, finding himself completely enamored at her just...being her. She didn't take his breath away or make his knees weak. Her touch didn't set his whole body aflame.

At least not anymore and even when she had done all those things, there was still something missing. She didn't spark anything in him, didn't ignite in him an intense passion that made him want to scream.

He had liked her in a way that was much more than just friendly, but he knew now what it was like to actually be _in love_. He knew what it was like to have that all consuming spark that he'd come to associate with being in love with someone.

And he knew that he and Carly didn't have it, no matter how much he cared about her or didn't mind kissing her.

"Why did you kiss me?" He asked suddenly, turning the tables on her.

She was silent a moment before speaking up.

"Honestly, I think it just hit me that I wasn't going to see you again for a really long time and I realized how much I was going to miss you. I was overwhelmed by everything and maybe I was…maybe I was looking for one last reason to stay, one last reason not to go. I mean, if it had turned out that I actually did like you after all this and had fallen in love with you or something, then I couldn't go. I couldn't leave Seattle knowing I was leaving that behind. I needed to know I wasn't leaving that behind."

"So, I guess you didn't love me? I wasn't your reason to stay?" Freddie asked back, and there was a knowing smile on his face because he wasn't hurt and he didn't feel used, though some might have said he should have.

He got it. He got it completely because maybe he'd used the kiss just as Carly had used it, hoping it was a sign telling him to move on and let go of Sam, just as Carly had hoped it would be a sign telling her to stay.

"But, you weren't in love me either were you, so I guess we're even," she said with a small laugh.

"I guess so."

There was another moment of silence before Carly spoke up.

"It's probably for the best though."

"Why?"

"Because of Sam," she said matter-of-factly.

"What…what about her?" Freddie asked, suddenly feeling tense.

"I told her about the kiss. It was a few months afterwards. We were video chatting and I told her and…she said it wasn't a big deal and that you could kiss whoever you wanted, but I know her. I know, Sam. She wasn't okay with it."

Freddie sat stunned, unsure of what to do with this piece of information. Had she really not been okay with it? Why? How? Hadn't she more or less tuned him down when he'd asked her out again? Why did she care now?

"I'm sure that's not true, Carly."

Carly gave Freddie that look she always used to give him when he showed just how much of an inept teenage boy he really was.

"Are you in love with, Sam?" she asked suddenly, and though he should have seen the question coming, it still took him by surprise.

"What?! No. I mean, what?" Freddie asked scandalized, and he felt his face grow flush.

"Well, other than that Abby girl, she _was_ your longest relationship and, I mean, Sam did say she dumped you and kind of broke your heart, so..."

Freddie jumped to defend himself. Sam hadn't broken up with him! It had been mutual! Why would Carly think that…and then it hit him. The night in the elevator, Sam had said she was going to tell everyone that she'd dumped him and broke his 'nerdy little heart'.

She really had.

Even Carly didn't know the truth about what had happened that night in the elevator.

Freddie simply sighed, not wanting to get into it.

"I don't know…Maybe I was?" Freddie said, and it was more of a question than an answer.

Carly simply looked over at Freddie, exasperation on her face.

"I may not know much about actually being in love, but don't they always say that you either always will be, or you never were. Like, it's not a maybe thing, Freddie."

Carly was right. Freddie knew it.

He just wasn't quite ready to admit it.

"So, are you in love with Sam or not?" Carly asked again, clearly not satisfied with Freddie's silence.

Freddie sighed as he felt his cheeks grow hot under Carly's intense gaze.

Just then, Carly's phone rang. She made to ignore it until she realized it was Spencer. Begrudgingly, she answered.

"Hey. What's up?"

Freddie could hear frantic rambling on the other end of the phone.

"Your suit? How did you manage that? Seriously, Spencer? I'll be right there."

She hung up her phone.

"Spencer set his tux on fire," she said matter-of-factly.

"How?"

"I have no idea," she sighed. "But, I've got to help him salvage it because he sounds like he's about to have a mental breakdown."

Carly started towards the door before turning around and leaning over, kissing Freddie softly on the cheek.

"Remember what I said. You either love her or you never did. And if you do, you need to do the right thing."

And with one final sad look at him, she was gone.

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"You look good, Spence," Freddie said as he gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"You think so? This suit doesn't make my butt look flat? I always have that prob-," Spencer began rambling, but Freddie cut him off.

"Seriously, dude."

"Sorry, I'm just kind of freaked out, ya know? I want everything to be perfect for Audrey."

"Look, everything is going to be fine, Spencer. Audrey loves you. That's all that matters."

"She does, doesn't she?" Spencer asked, seeming to calm down a little at the thought.

"Yeah. So, just go out there, tell her you love her, and everything will be fine."

"You're a wise kid, Freddie Benson," Spencer said as he looked down at Freddie.

It wasn't true. At least, Freddie didn't think so. He wasn't wise. Not at all.

He shrugged half-heartedly.

"I mean that," Spencer said, seeing the disbelief on Freddie's face. "I look at you like the little brother I never had. I wouldn't lie to you…about that anyways."

"Thanks, Spence."

"No prob little man," he said as he bumped him on the shoulder and turned, making his way towards the door of the small closet that had been converted into his dressing room.

"Hey, Spencer?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know Audrey was it, ya know, the one?"

A content smile stretched the length of Spencer's face as he spoke.

"I knew because I fell in love with her and I stayed in loved. Sure, I dated a lot of other girls before and after her. Might have been obsessed with a few of them, but I never loved them like I loved Audrey."

Freddie contemplated this.

"And how did you know you were in love with her?"

"The truth? When we broke up, after dating the first time around, it was because she wanted to. And I didn't. Like I said, I loved her. But, at the time, she wanted different things than I did. So, I let her go. I let her go, because that was what she wanted. That was what she needed to be happy and, more than anything, I wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. Eventually, she came back around and I guess you could say I was lucky, because it doesn't always work that way. But yeah, I'd say that's how I realized I loved her. Her happiness meant more to me than my own."

Somewhere deep down, Spencer's words struck a chord and a familiar face filled his head.

"You're pretty wise too, when you want to be," Freddie finally said with quiet laughter.

"I try. I don't always succeed, but I try, and that's gotta be worth something," he responded.

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"You look beautiful, Audrey," Carly said as she took in the view of her future sister-in-law. Her long blonde hair was curled high atop her head and she wore a long, figure flattering A-line dress.

She really was quite beautiful.

"Thank you, Carly," she said sweetly as she turned and gave the girl a small hug.

As the girls shared a sisterly hug, Sam stomped in, a tray of cheese and crackers in one hand and a stick of half-eaten salami in the other.

"Hey, so people are starting to get a little antsy out there. Can we get this show on the road?"

"You're a funny one, Sam Puckett," Audrey said as she pulled away from Carly.

"Well, ya know, I try," she with a nonchalant shrug.

"I guess it's now or never then?" Audrey said, looking back and forth between the two girls.

"Guess so," Sam said as Audrey started to make her way towards the door.

"Uhm, Audrey?" Carly asked.

"Yeah, Carly?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Well, I kind of need to go get married, but sure. What are sister-in-laws for?," she said with a tiny laugh.

"When did you know that Spencer was it? That Spencer was the one?" she asked as she shot a curious glance in Sam's direction.

A large smile spread the length of Audrey's face as she began to speak.

"When we dated the first time, he was great. One of the nicest guys I'd ever met, but we wanted different things. I was really focused on school and my career and, he just didn't seem to care about that. I felt like we were at different places. We wanted different things. So, I suggested we break-up. He agreed. At the time, I thought it was because that was what he wanted too. I realized, much later, that it hadn't been. And that it hadn't been what I'd wanted either. I realized that I was never happier than when I was with him. That, even though he was a complete nutcase and probably one of the most…accident and fire prone people I knew, he was fun and spontaneous and memorable and, he loved me. He loved me so much that he let me go and ruin something amazing, because he thought that was what I wanted…what I needed to be happy. And I remembered that, all those years we weren't together while I dated other guys. I remembered him. So, when did I realize he was it? I guess there wasn't really a specific moment when it hit me. It was just a lot of little moments over time, a gradual thing. But, I know, without a shadow of a doubt that I love him. And that's how you know. You feel it, right here," she paused touching the place where her heart was with the tips of her fingers, "and you just know."

With that, she gave Sam and Carly a small nod and a smile and made her way out into the hall.

Carly glanced over at Sam out of the corner of her eye. There was a strange look on her face as she stared down at the carpet below her feet, avoiding Carly's gaze.

"You okay, Sam?" Carly asked.

"Yeah, fine. Never better. Let's get this thing over with," she said, putting on a show of Puckett bravado if Carly had ever seen one.

But she was distracted.

Carly could tell.

Audrey's words had gotten to her.

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The reception was held in an old converted airplane hangar that now housed receptions, conferences, and other such events for those of a quirky mindset. The ceiling was lined with bright blue lights that twinkled against the cavernous space above, making them look like far away stars. It was amazing how a space that had once been so sparse had been converted into something so amazing.

Of course, in true Spencer and Audrey fashion, it was anything but traditional. On each of the tables were miniature sculptures that Spencer had made; some out of screws, some out of old bottle caps, and even some out of butter. There was a flight simulator on one side of the room and an open bar on the other, which was set up along the wings of a small, out of use plane.

It was like nothing Sam had ever seen before.

Sure, she wasn't much of a romantic and she figured basically all marriages were doomed, but she had to admit, she could at least sort of appreciate the party that came along with these hopeless unions.

Out on the floor, she saw Spencer and Audrey dancing, and she used the term loosely. It was more flailing than anything, especially on Spencer's part, but he looked happy. Happier than she'd seen him in a long time and she figured that was what mattered in the end. Even if things didn't last, at least he was happy now. At least they were both happy for a little while.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" she heard a voice say to her right.

Without turning to look at the source of the voice, she smartly replied.

"For a place that smells like aviation fuel, it's alright," she said.

Freddie simply laughed.

"You never make things easy do you?"

"Life's tough. If I made things easy, I'd be setting you up for failure and a whole lot of disappointment. Just preparing you for the real world," she replied acerbically.

He didn't say anything, but he didn't leave her side either. Neither one of them said anything, just stood there in the quiet company of one another, both wanting to say something, but not knowing how to, not even being sure that they should.

So instead, they said nothing.

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The night was beginning to wind down and guests were slowly starting to trickle out of the hangar and into the warm summer night. There were some stragglers, mostly the heavily intoxicated who were either dancing alone on the dance floor to music that had long since stopped playing or passed out on top of the tables.

Freddie looked around, searching for that familiar head of blonde hair. About 30 minutes prior, she'd slipped away, saying something about going to find some more of those really good fish stick trays with the little cups of tartar sauce. He hadn't seen her since.

After glancing around the cavernous space, he concluded with decent certainty that she wasn't here and so, began to make his way outside.

"Hey, Freddie!" Carly called out from behind him.

"Hey, Carly. What's up?"

"Have you seen, Sam?" she asked curiously.

"No, I was actually getting ready to go look for her."

"Oh, okay. Good. Let me know when you find her okay? I've been looking all over the place and I can't find her anywhere. Knowing Sam, who knows what she's gotten up to."

"Tell me about it," Freddie chuckled.

"So, have you…talked to her yet? Ya know, about what we talked about the other day?"

Freddie felt his ears grow hot and his temperament grow sheepish.

"Uhmm, see the thing is, I was going to, but then I-"

"So, you haven't?"

"Well, techni-"

"Yes or no, Freddie?" Carly demanded more than asked.

"No," he finally replied.

Carly sighed before placing a gentle hand on Freddie's shoulder.

"Sam leaves for L.A. tomorrow. If you're going to tell her how you feel, you have to do it tonight. Remember what I said."

"Carly?! Carly! Come help me get Uncle David up! He's curled up on the table in the fetal position and he needs to go home," Spencer yelled from across the hangar. He was standing in front of a table, topped by a particularly large man who was snoring rather heavily.

"A bridesmaid's work is never done," she said with a laugh before taking off, leaving Freddie to find Sam.

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Freddie had searched everywhere. He'd searched outside. He'd searched inside. He was fairly certain there was nowhere else to search and could only conclude that, for whatever reason, Sam had cut out of the festivities early and headed back.

The thought left a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach as he stood in the grassy field behind the old hangar.

And then he felt it. Something warm and wet and…was it a spitball? He looked around, confused at the source of the juvenile object, when he spotted her.

Up at the top of the hangar was a tiny rooftop deck that had been built in recently. Freddie hadn't noticed it until now. Sam stood along the rail, her blonde hair blowing behind her. Though it was dark and she was rather high up, Freddie could still see the hint of triumph on her face.

He searched around the building for how she'd gotten up there, before eventually noticing a pair of small, unsteady looking steps along the side.

He couldn't help but laugh at the entire scenario as he made his way over to, and up, the long set of rickety stairs.

"Took you long enough," Sam said, once Freddie had reached the top.

He was breathing heavy and there was a thin sheet of sweat gleaming on his forehead.

"That…was a lot…more work…than I thought it would be…" he said, taking deep breaths in between his words.

"Clearly, someone needs to work out a little more…or man up. It wasn't that bad, Benson. You're acting like you just hiked the Himalayas. It's a set of stairs."

Freddie, still slightly out of breath, said nothing. Simply rolling his eyes in her general direction as he sat down against the metal railing, resting his legs. Without saying anything, Sam sat down next to him.

"It's nice up here," Freddie said, finally able to breath again.

"Yeah. Good vantage point for throwing spitballs at unsuspecting dorks," Sam said with a smirk and a cock of her brow.

"Yeah, who would have thought," Freddie replied with a smirk of his own and he swore, if only for a moment, that he saw a bashful smile spread the length of her lips before she glanced away.

Something about the moment emboldened him. Remember what you came here to do, he reminded himself.

It was now or never.

"Sam, do you remember, what I asked you, before you left."

"Be a bit more specific, Benson," she said as she stared out into the large empty field.

"You know, about…about us?" Freddie pressed.

"There is no 'us', Freddie," she replied quickly and he could see her begin to tense.

Ouch. That'd hurt. If he'd had his wits about him, he might have backed down right then and there, spared himself any possible further embarrassment and called it quits.

But, there was something that wouldn't let him. Maybe it was the liquid courage from the open bar or maybe he was being driven by the words Carly had said to him.

'_Sam leaves for L.A. tomorrow. If you're going to tell her how you feel, you have to do it tonight.'_

It was now or never, so he pushed onward.

"Sam, you know what I mean."

"No, Freddie. I don't."

"And there you are. You're doing it again," he sighed exasperatedly.

"Doing what?" she asked.

"Making things difficult."

"Well, pardon me for making your life so difficult, Benson. Frankly, you haven't exactly made mine a walk in the park either, so I'd say were pretty much even," she snapped.

"What are you talking about, Sam? If anyone has any right to complain, it's me."

"Oh, okay. Right, Benson," Sam replied sarcastically.

"Seriously? You used me as your punching bag all throughout middle school and then, when we got to high school you decided it'd be way more fun to torture me by kissing me every once in a while and then acting like it didn't happen. Then, you up and left a few months before the end of senior year without even saying goodbye, _right_ after I asked you if you wanted to get back together! Don't act like I don't have any right to complain."

Freddie could see Sam's jaw tense as she stared resolutely in the opposite direction.

"I'm not doing this," she said quietly.

"Not doing what?" Freddie asked, confused and annoyed. This wasn't how he'd pictured this going. Not at all.

"I'm not going to sit here and have the same dumb conversation. I've made you miserable. You've made me miserable. We've established that before. We don't need to waste our time establishing it again."

"This isn't how I wanted this to go," Freddie sighed, more to himself than to her.

Finally, she turned to look at him, staring him straight in the eye.

"Yeah, well you know what didn't go how I wanted it to?" she asked, and her voice was tense and tight and angry.

He had to admit, she still scared him a little.

"Us," she said, turning his words against him. "All of that fighting when we were together. The way you treated me like shit after we broke up."

"I-," Freddie jumped to defend himself, but Sam carried on.

"And don't even try to say you didn't, because you did. Calling me out at work, at the only job I was actually good at. Telling everyone I was a criminal and basically a really shitty person. Not that some of it wasn't true, but did you really have to call me out like that, just because, God forbid, I was actually better than you at something?"

As she spoke, the moments came rushing back and it killed Freddie to hear her rant, not because she was yelling at him, but because she obviously had believed everything he'd said about her and had remembered it so clearly.

He'd done more damage than he'd realized.

"And then you ran right back to Carly. I don't even know why I expected any different. Of course, you'd run back to Carly because it's always been Carly and it always will be. Since we were 14 years old. It was always her. 'Oh, Carly, I love you.' 'But I loooove Carly.' 'I'm going to marry Carly.' You've been her lap dog since we were in middle school and why I thought I ever stood a chance, I'll never know. Thinking that has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever done in my entire life and I've done a lot of stupid things. And the thing is, I knew. I knew deep down how it was going to end and that you were just going run right back to her as soon as I gave you an out, but I wanted to believe that wouldn't happen. I wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, some thing would work out for me. But, you did exactly what I thought you would. So, ya know what? Shame on me. Shame on me for thinking you were any different than Jonah or Shane or any of those other guys who would have gladly picked Carly over me."

"Sam, I-"

"Save it, Freddie. I know. Okay? I know about the kiss. I know about the 'is it too late for you to love me?' I know about all of it, because unlike you Carly isn't a shitty friend who keeps things from me," she paused momentarily, catching her breath. Her face was red and flushed and gleaming with sweat. Her mascara had, just barely, begun to smudge under her eyes.

"So, please. Don't even talk to me about how difficult I've made your life, because you've done a pretty big number on mine too," Sam said and it was clear she was running out of steam. It wasn't even just that she had nothing left to say. It just appeared that she had no energy left to say it.

Freddie looked over at Sam sadly, a guilt and heaviness in his heart that he hadn't expected to feel tonight.

"I meant it," he began.

And if it had been earlier, Sam probably would have jumped in, cut him off, and told him to stuff it.

But she was tired now. Worn down from all the pent up emotion and so, she said nothing. She said nothing as she stared off in the opposite direction.

"I meant it. All of it. I meant it when I said I loved you and I meant it when I asked you out. I meant it when I kissed you in front of everyone on iCarly and I meant it when I kissed you the night we broke up. I've meant every single moment. And I know that I've done some really stupid things, things that I don't have an excuse for, things that I know, in retrospect, were screwed up. The way I treated you after we broke up, the stuff with Carly…all of it was wrong."

Freddie saw Sam roll her eyes.

Okay, maybe wrong was too light a word choice.

"But, you know why I did that? Why I did all of that?"

"Whatever lame excuse you have doesn't matter, Freddie. It just doesn't," she said quietly.

"I know. I know it doesn't matter to you and that I'm wasting my breath at this point, but I have to tell you, just to get it off my chest and once I say it, I'm done. If you don't want to speak to me ever again, you can do it. I won't bother you anymore. I'll leave you alone, but just let me say this."

Sam was biting her lip now, a nervous habit she'd had since childhood.

"I did it because I couldn't get over you and I wanted to. I wanted to so bad because do you know how much it sucks to be in love with someone who isn't in love with you?"

He realized after he'd said it that it probably wasn't the smartest thing to say, as she clearly did, or at least thought she did, but it was true and so he said it anyways.

"I wanted to hate you because hating you was easier than loving you. Because at least I knew you hated me too and _that_ was mutual. I didn't want to break up that night. You know that? I didn't want it at all, but I thought that was what you wanted. So, don't even think for a second that you gave me an out that I wanted, because I didn't want an out, Sam. I wanted to be with you. And I know the way I treated you afterwards was wrong, but I was hurt and I saw you moving on. I saw the way you'd talk about other guys with Carly and the way you dragged that guy into the elevator. I saw the way you moved on, like us breaking up wasn't affecting you at all and it killed me. So, I tried to get over you too. And my attempts were dumb. I know that now."

He paused, taking a deep breath.

"I thought, that since you were over me I needed to move on too and I thought, for whatever reason, that maybe Carly could be the one to help me do that. And maybe, maybe deep down I wanted you to see and be jealous because I wanted to know you still cared. But you never acted like you did. So, what was I supposed to think, Sam? How was I supposed to know? And the kiss, I know it was wrong and there isn't anything I can do now to take it back. It happened and, in the moment, I thought maybe that was it. That I was moving on. But I wasn't. And I still haven't. It's been two years since you left, 3 since we've broken up, and I'm still not over you.

It was quiet now, except for the sound of a light breeze blowing.

"I'm sorry," Freddie said finally, his voice almost a whisper.

Sam said nothing, her face a stony mask, though her eyes were glistening slightly.

After 10, 15, maybe even 20 minutes of silence, Freddie stood.

He'd said what he had to say.

If she wasn't going to respond, there was nothing he could do.

As he made to stand, he heard her speak, her voice almost a murmur.

"We said I love you."

Freddie looked at her confused.

"You said 'How was I supposed to know'. I told you I loved you."

"But, I didn't realize that you still did."

Sam gave him a sad smile, weariness painted across her face.

"You either always will or you never did. I did, Freddie. I still do."

With that, she stood, brushing off her dress and wiping at her face.

Before Freddie could even respond, she was gone, down the steps and off into the warm summer night.

Nearly 21 and she was still running a way.

Just like when they were kids.

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Freddie had called her multiple times that night, texted her, and even attempted to chase after her as she sped off into the night, to no avail.

He'd spent all night looking for her. He'd checked Spencer's apartment and Sam's mom's place. He'd checked with Carly. She checked with Gibby. They'd checked with everyone who might have a clue where Sam had gone.

No one knew and Carly, especially, was frantic.

"Freddie, what did you do? You were supposed to tell her how you felt. Not piss her off so she ran way," she sighed, as they sat on Carly's couch the next morning.

"I did tell her how I felt, Carly," Freddie huffed worried and annoyed.

"Well, then why did she run?"

Freddie sighed. He wasn't even sure where to start.

"She's supposed to catch her flight back to L.A. at 5:00 tonight. We have to find her before then, if she's not already gone," Carly said, a sad look on her face.

She couldn't be gone. They couldn't end on that note. He wouldn't let them.

Without saying another word, Freddie stood.

"Where are you going?" Carly asked.

"To find Sam."

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He made his way down to the end of the 8thh floor hall, his mind set on the one place he'd overlooked, though he wasn't quite sure how. He rationalized that it was because he hadn't been there in years. Either way, in retrospect, he realized it should have been the first place he looked.

The fire escape.

Sure enough, as he got closer to the windows, he saw a figure standing on the fire escape, hands gripping the low railing, as they looked out at the city.

It was Sam.

She was wearing a pair of old jeans, a t-shirt, and a pair of black boots. He'd expected to find her sitting on the fire escape, weather worn and still in her clothes from the night before, but her hair was curled and she actually looked like she'd had a decent night's sleep.

At least one of them had.

Gently, he knocked on the glass of the window.

She turned to face him, not looking the least bit surprised that he was there. She didn't say anything, but simply raised her eyebrows at him.

At least she was acknowledging his existence. That was a step in the right direction.

"Where have you been?" he asked, not even bothering with simple pleasantries.

"Home."

"But, I went by your house and your mom said you weren't there. I even went around back and checked your window. I didn't see you."

"First of all, that's creepy and second of all, I wasn't there."

"But you said you went home?"

"I crashed at my uncle's place okay."

"Which Uncle?"

"Carmine. He's out now. Sentence was up 3 months ago. You might remember him," she said, and there was a slightly mischievous glint in her eyes.

Of course he remembered Uncle Carmine. How could he not?

"Oh."

"Yep."

"Does he…?" Freddie began, suddenly legitimately fearing for his life.

"Know what happened between us? No. Well, not the truth anyways. I told him you were a nub and I dumped your butt when you screwed up our ham smuggling operation."

"Oh," he responded, breathing a sigh of relief.

"He's still pretty pissed about that though," Sam replied nonchalantly.

"I guess I deserve that," he replied.

Sam didn't say anything. She just continued to stare out at the city.

"I do," Freddie said after a moment of awkward silence.

"Do what?" Sam asked, still not looking at him.

He took a deep breath before speaking up, louder and more steady this time.

"You said, you either always will or you never did. I did. I still do. I love you. I am in love with you. And even if you hate me, that's not going to change anything."

Freddie paused, half expecting Sam to say something in return.

She still didn't.

With each passing second Freddie found himself growing more and more deflated.

"I'll leave you alone. I'll never bother you again. I'll do whatever it is you want me to, except stop loving you, because I've already tried and I can't. At this point, I don't even want to. And if, you want me out of your life, then okay. I'll do it. Whatever you want, I'll do it because I want you to be happy, Sam."

Sam finally turned to look at Freddie, her expression still unreadable as she moved closer to him.

Freddie wasn't sure if Sam was going to slap him in the face or maybe punch him in the stomach, but the next thing he knew, her lips were on his and she was kissing him more intensely than he'd ever been kissed in his life and when he finally had his wits about him, he kissed her back. His hands made their way around her waist, pulling her flush against him. He could feel the rise and fall of her chest against his, and it still wasn't close enough. He could feel as her arms made their way around his neck, one of her hands running through his hair. He could feel her tongue begging for entrance and so he let her. Feeling the way she drew it across his lip sent chills down his spine. Her actions emboldened him and the next thing he knew he'd guided her against the brick of the wall, one of his hands still on her waist and another beside her head.

He was fairly certain he never wanted to stop kissing her.

Ever.

If he could bottle the feeling he felt right now he would. He would in a heartbeat and he wondered how in the world he'd ever been stupid enough to let this go.

This wasn't just lust. This kiss was more than that. It was years of tension and teasing and bickering and friendship and hate and love spilling out in a way it should have long before.

This was it.

She was it.

Finally, she pulled away, more for a need to breath than anything else, and Freddie groaned at the loss of contact.

They were both breathing heavily. Freddie noticed there was a cute pink blush that had crept up from Sam's neck and into her cheeks. Without thinking, he reached out and touched her cheek with his thumb, feeling the hot soft skin.

She seemed to blush more at this and Freddie was certain he'd never seen her look so beautiful.

How he'd ever doubted this, he had no clue.

This was it.

She was it.

"I love you," he said.

She simply smiled, biting her lip like she always did when she was nervous.

"You have to promise me something," she said.

"What?" Freddie asked, worry and concern filling him. At this point, he'd probably agree to just about anything she asked, but he was worried nonetheless.

"You won't ever stop," she said and her voice was more sincere than he'd ever heard it before. She sounded, uncharacteristically, like a little kid.

"Someone wise once told me, you either always will, or you never did. I did. I still do. I always will."


End file.
